Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think my mom watched the whole time
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
