i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
