BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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