Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
