when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
