I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
