I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My vagina just recognized that song.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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