he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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