I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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