I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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