Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
