what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
