I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
