Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
