You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
