You work out of a Hotel?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
