Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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