So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
