shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
