can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
