Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
