Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
