Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
