Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
