I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
