trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
