it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
