Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
