just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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