you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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