I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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