I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's always time for handjobs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
