Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
