I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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