Just mADE A PArabola og urine
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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