Christians are straight up FREAKS
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
