So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
