He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
