Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
