and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
