Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
