I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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