Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
