I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
