you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
