i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
