Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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