And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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