Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
