I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
