and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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